• Jenna Fischer is engaged. And not to you. Suckerrrrr. (Fatback)
• Rachel Weisz wants a Botox ban for actors. Easy for you to say, Miss Prettyface Pretty of Prettytown. What about the rest of us Buseys? (Amy Grindhouse)
• Large-eared, fame-starved dermatologist Arnold Klein says he didn’t father Michael Jackson’s kids. Maybe. Probably not. Not to the best of his knowledge. Well, he did jizz into a cup once, but where that jizz went is anyone’s guess. (Hollywood Grind)
• Lily Allen topless in i-D mag. Did they airbrush out the triple nipple? (Egotastic!)
• Lady Gaga denies the world her vagina. (I Don’t Like You In That Way)
• We may be headed back to the world of the shaved head and latte IV drip. Pull it together, Britney. (Bitten and Bound)
• Kendra Wilkinson will instill the fear of bras into her child. Fear of God, fear of bras. Whatever. (Yeeeah!)
• Kristen Stewart knocked up by Robert Pattinson. Listen, movie execs. If you’re going to start rumors to sell movie tickets, start ones that won’t end with 300 irate 11-year-old girls stabbing K-Stew to death with iCarly scented pens. (Allie Is Wired)
• Mr Skin’s Top 100 Celebrity Nude Scenes list . . . almost at the halfway mark! (Mr Skin)
• Prince Harry is “smitten” with Natalie Imbruglia. Is this the next hot dating craze? Royals and ’90s songstresses? Can’t wait until Prince Wills hooks up with Joan Osbourne. (Digital Spy)