It’s been two days since Megan Fox did anything and we’re getting the DTs. Luckily, a bunch of outtakes from her New York Times photo shoot leaked and look! She’s wearing a little ice skating uniform! Awww. It looks just like Ice Castles, if Lexie looked like a porn star instead of Lynn-Holly Johnson, and liked to spread ‘em and expose her snap-up crotch instead of doing triple axels face first into a table.
Nicole Richie was in court earlier this week, trying to get a restraining order against two paparazzi who chased her car. But she’s got bigger problems now. US Weekly reports:
Nicole Richie has checked herself into a Los Angeles hospital.
A rep for the star tells Usmagazine.com, “Nicole has checked into Cedars-Sinai where she is being treated for pneumonia. She is doing well.”
Cripes, it’s a good thing this didn’t happen in 2005, when she weighed 86 pounds. She now has slightly more body mass with which to fight off disease, plus modern medicine has improved in leaps and bounds since then, and now one simple pill can evict the Flubber-like family of crass green blobs that have turned your alveoli into a hostel.
P.S. Holy shit! Stories about Paris and Nicole at the top of the blog! Oh, nostalgia! Now we just have to drag Sisqo out of retirement.
Robert Pattinson has been stripped of his crown, like Vanessa Williams and Carrie Prejean before him. Yesterday we reported that RPattz landed People’s Sexiest Man Alive title, but it turns out that we were just being toyed with. People released the real cover today, and it’s Johnny Depp again. Dude was the sexiest in 2003 and apparently, six years have done nothing to dampen his palpable handsomeosity, and he and his curiously patchy fu manchu have emerged victorious once again. According to PopEater, the senior editor at People explained,
“Johnny Depp was someone who was sexy 10 years ago. He’ll be sexy 10 years from now. He’s someone who appeals to multiple generations of women.”
And ten years after that, he’ll still be sexy. And he’ll be sexy 10 years after that. 10 years following that he’ll be in assisted living, gumming canned pears and goosing nurses with his fungus-nailed claw hands and he’ll still be sexy. 10 years after that he will be drained of blood and organs and in a coffin and he will still be sexy. 10 years after that, butyric putrefaction has set in, and beetles are chewing their way through Depp’s ligaments while tineid moths feast on his glorious hair and face it, you’d still f him. God, this was a hot story.
We’ve seen a lot of titties in our day. Sure, maybe not in person, but magazines and computer screens count, right? So we know that there are all different shapes and sizes and hangs and dimensions and whatnot. But we also know that plastic surgery can mess up (or fix, whatever) all of these things. Which is exactly what we think happened to the hooters (not) hanging on Blake Lively’s chest. “But,” you say, “she’s young! They’re supposed to be perky!” Well, folks, we present to you exhibit A) 90210 star Jessica Lowndes’s side boob. Jessica is a full year and half younger than Blake. And those floppers are sporting some natural hang. They in no way resemble a halved Nerf football. We’re not saying that one is better than the other, exactly, we just like truth in advertising. Fake boobs that actually look good totally freak us out. Kind of like cats who can use the toilet.
If you know who this chick is, chances are you’re 14. In that case, you’ll love our Twitter page!
Awhile back there was this little show called the Emmys. People got awards for doing stuff like managing not to completely trod all over the grave of the best documentary ever. And it was really boring. So we focused on Blake Lively’s boobs. And we scratched our head. We looked and stared and contemplated and ogled and dragged out our monocle and still couldn’t decide if those things were real. But we’ve finally come to a decision thanks to these pics from a screening of her movie The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. Our verdict? Fake fake fake. Of course, we can’t be sure, since we’ve never seen Blake Lively nude, but c’mon! Look at those things! We can almost hear the “boioioioioiong” and squeak from accidentally running into them. Boobs just don’t do that. Well, in the semi-hardcore graphic novel we’ve been working on they do, but that’s a whole different universe where boobs can do any number of miraculous tasks, like give you a top-notch shoe shine.
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Kim Kardashian suckles the ’sicle. (IDLYITW)